"Welcome Mr Novichov. What is true that you are a leading figure in independent Russian civil society?"

"Almost everything. Anything to the contrary is pure fiction. We take civil society very seriously."

"Some people accuse you of collusion with government bodies."

"I've indicated that everything that contradicts my statements is a fiction."

"Then how come the Defence Services rang the phone number that came up in connection with you?"

"That's a misunderstanding, my wife's former college roommate works there, with whom we have maintained a friendship."

"But why did it come up in relation to you?"

"I was involved in a sex affair with her, but no gentleman likes to talk about that at length."

"We want to hear about your experiences in England."

"It was awful. It was snowing and it made me shiver."

"For a Russian?"

"I don't like snow at home either, you'd better look it up. I don't leave the house in winter, so there's no trace of my activities."

"Tell me about the life of Russian NGOs."

"There are no problems with Russian NGOs, their activities are fine."

"Many people doubt that."

"Then these many certainly do not live in Russia and we are working to ensure that they do not live anywhere else."

"We would also like to hear something about the nerve toxin."

"I have no idea what you are talking about. But if what I mean is, how do you know that I was a nervous in toxic level last week when I couldn't find my favourite passport?"

"I don't really know what we can talk about any more, because you obviously think I'm stupid."

"You are making all sorts of unsubstantiated accusations out of thin air here. These accusations are very difficult to answer when you have no idea what they are about."

"What will you do if Western countries refuse you entry in the future?"

"There are the countries of the North, the East and the South. There is a lot to see and do in those places, although the lack of cathedrals, my favourite tourist destination, is a bit depressing. But there's still plenty left to visit."

"As a representative of civil society, what can you conclude with for the readers?"

"Only what our national minorities usually answer to such questions. Try our food, it's delicious! Gastronomy is an area where it is difficult to get into trouble."